Accepting defeat is an action most of us rebel against with fervor, because we think acceptance will deepen the loss and make it more painful. This line of thinking leads us to live in denial of what we lost, and over time can create feelings of depression and ill-will. In order to heal and recover from our past ordeals, we must learn how to deal with failure in both short term and long term.

Loss, at first, may seem impossible. Your mind goes completely into shock and all you can do is stand there as waves of despair crash over you. At this time, especially if you are in public, it is best to put on a brave face to avoid further embarrassment. Take a deep breath, and crack a joke about it. For example, if you just got fired, don’t run sobbing from your boss’s office. Look him or her calmly in the eye and say ‘I understand’. This shows maturity and poise.

After the initial rude awakening, there is most often a period of pretense that everything is alright. There is no need to do this. You should not feel guilty if all you want to do is cry and eat ice cream for days on end. Feel free to use whatever method you would like to help you cope, even if they aren’t the healthiest; just be sure you don’t seriously harm yourself or others. Expressing emotions now will make acceptance come faster and smoother later on.

Now that you’ve cried and screamed your heart out, it’s time to move on from the ordeal. At the time, it might seem impossible to do, since what you lost probably meant a lot to you. However, you should know that a better opportunity will come along very quickly and it’s best to prepare yourself for it now rather than wait until the last moment. In order to accept defeat, you must be gentle with yourself. Give yourself positive encouragements. Sure, you’ve fallen off of the metaphorical horse, but that just means you have to get back up on to it. After all, you’ll never reach your destination if you have no steed.

Throughout your journey, it’s important to realize everyone has setbacks and one failure does not define who you are. Define yourself by your successes and your relationships, and you would live a much happier life. In the end, what matters is not whether you succeed in all your endeavors; it’s whether you have learned anything from them. If you feel you have gained knowledge and experience from your journey, then you have succeeded no matter what the outcome.