Society Archives

Posted on April 26, 2016 by Gurdeep Pandher — Leave a comment

Should You Disclose Your Struggles to Your Friends?

Undoubtedly, life is not known for being excessively kind all of the time. There will be occasions where the situation is less than ideal, and the ensuing struggle is difficult to bear alone. However, the debate then becomes whether or not one should discuss these challenges with friends and family. On one hand, the conversation may be constructive and helpful in recovering from the current darkness, but, unfortunately, the sharing process may lead to rejection and discomfort for all parties involved. Therefore, it is necessary to use one’s judgment in deciding through consideration of a few general factors such as type of relationship, past experiences, and what the end result may be.

The instinct may be to share with whomever one knows for the longest period of time, but this may not be the best route. The ideal confidant is familiar, but can also keep their distance and be objective with regards to giving advice. Of course, a mere acquaintance is a poor choice and may lead to uncomfortable circumstances, but a best friend may be quick to defend and shift away responsibility, which can turn the meaningful discussion into a pity party. Additionally, each friend probably has a ‘designated’ role in one’s life (the wing-person, the partier, etc.). Decide what type of role would best fit the need, and reach out to that person.

Stereotyping, though, will only be accurate to a limited degree. The best indicator of future success is past experience. If one friend has a track record of being a good listener, then they would be an obviously advantageous choice. However, if another person is loose-lipped and threatens any hope of being discrete, look elsewhere. The objective is to create a safe environment, so insecurities can be temporarily swept under the rug and vulnerabilities can show.

Finally, it is essential to consider the end result of the conversation. Hopefully, the disclosure will accomplish something, even if it is only relief from being able to share a burden. No dramatic outcome such as a complete and total resolution needs to come from it, but progress towards recovery should be achieved in some form, which may not be immediately obvious. In other words, the most important aspect to consider is a sense of well-being. However, this will come at the price of complete and utter honesty, which is incredibly difficult to achieve. Therefore, it is ultimately best to confide in someone removed from the situation in order to decrease anxiety.

All in all, confiding in a friend about struggling with some aspect of life is a meaningful and helpful process for alleviating the pain of emotions, but only with the right person. Remember, the ultimate goal is to have an outlet to which to voice frustrations and a figure who offers advice in a positive form.

Posted on July 4, 2015 by Gurdeep Pandher — 2 Comments

One Loyal Friend Is Worth Ten Billion

In good times and bad, one can always count on their friends to be by their side as personal cheerleaders, supporters, and listeners. Friends make and share memories together, complementing each other and being able to make the best of every situation, turning frowns upside down and transforming average days into brilliant ones filled with laughter. However, a true friend will also be there when times get rough, ready to pop in with cartons of ice cream, movies galore, and an open mind. They will not back away from whatever the harsh reality holds. Instead, they will step in and provide comfort, stability, and support.

First and foremost, the very best of friends, and usually the most well-liked people, learn to listen to the concerns and complaints of others without judgment. For most, there is nothing more cleansing and soothing than being able to freely rant to a friend about anything and everything on the worst days without fear of interruption. The trust that bonds two people together is a strong foundation for respect and comfort, two of the most important ingredients for building an enduring relationship that can weather any storm. After all, with a friend, even the most daunting tasks seem less intimidating and sadness will naturally flow into laughter.

When people are close to one another, they naturally pick up on each other’s moods and know instinctively if something is wrong. While an acquaintance might shrug and give an awkward smile before leaving, a friend will order pizza and try their best to empathize with the person dealing with the problem. Being able to find a connection and having someone understand what they are going through is a great comfort for people, and far more meaningful than the generic, “I’m sorry.” After all, while sympathy is an empty gesture, empathy, or the act of walking in another person’s shoes metaphorically, will build and strengthen bonds.

When all fails, a good friend knows how to give personal, constructive advice and encouragement. Instead of saying the ‘right things’, they are not afraid to be a bit harsh in order to provoke action rather than apathy. Obviously, the objective is not to be cruel; it is usually for the best, and out of the goodness of their hearts. After all, sometimes, walls need to be torn down before they can be built up again, stronger and taller this time. Compliments are like the snow; they will cool the burn for a few moments, but will quickly melt. Good friends know that sometimes, fire needs to be fought with fire (but not with gasoline).

In the end, although friends may be the ones who can bring life into any boring event and are the key building blocks for living a happy and healthy life, they are able to understand and support even the most difficult decisions in the hardest of times. No one is more honest, loving, and accepting than a true friend who knows when to listen and when to speak other than family, of course. Mediocre relationships are a dime a dozen, but a golden friendship is priceless.

Lastly, the title of my post says, “One loyal friend is worth ten billion”. Let me explain it further – one loyal friend is precious who cannot be priced.

Posted on June 26, 2015 by Gurdeep Pandher — 3 Comments

Why More People Are Choosing To Stay Single

Humans, like most other mammals, prefer to stay within packs for safety and survival and also to feel loved, nurtured, and cared, hence why people tend to live side by side in apartments or neighborhoods. To go along with that is the intrinsic urge to find a mate, which is built into the instincts of all other animals in order to perpetuate the species. However, as society advances, human nature is shifting from wanting a partner and having children to desiring a close circle of friends and having the time to focus on one’s personal life. This diversion away from the natural order is brought on by many varied circumstances.

As with many other issues, the first and foremost factor of change is the evolution of social norms. Well-educated folks who work-hard to advance their careers either do not have time for commitments which relationships demand or they find it complicated to accommodate the requirements of relationships in their challenging and busy lifestyle. Living together only works if both parties equally put their time, mindset, energy, and excitement to keep the show of the relationship live, however most of today’s always-on-screen generation is not willing to compromise with real-life realities or challenges. Also, growing awareness about legal disputes among a large number of partners or scary lawsuit stories about divorces in the media might also be another strong factor which is encouraging modernsters to keep the doors of their hearts closed. So, being a single bachelor is in most of everyone, especially young men or women’s dreams, promising adventure and freedom in lieu of constricting romantic ideals.

On a similar note, too high expectations and non-fulfilment of those expectations also bars some to enter into living together way of life. Many people choose to stay single simply because reality cannot compare to the glorious, loving relationships they see in the media, with smiling faces and fancy dates. Needless to say, meeting such unrealistic expectations is stressful and expensive for both parties, sucking away whatever chemistry there might have been. Additionally, social media sites make causal relationships extremely easy, with almost no work required on the part of the people.

In today’s do-it-all and have-it-all culture, there is no time left for seemingly pointless extracurricular activities such as dating. Especially among tech-savvy young urbanites with a high level of education, forming long-term relationships is less important than work. On the other hand, serious relationships are far less preferable than ‘hooking up’, which provide a certain level of immediate gratification. Their attitudes ensure they do not waste a single second on anything that does not work to their competitive advantage, or anything that delays pleasure, making dating obsolete.

Although it was already touched upon previously, it goes without saying dates and the eventual marriage are costly. From outfits to dinner to everything else in between, having a relationship certainly costs a lot for something that may not even last longer than a month. Although spending time with someone you love such as a friend or a family member is definitely worth any price, meeting up with a blind date at the fanciest restaurant in town would make even the wealthiest person cringe.

Overall, the settling down early trend is certainly winding down, with more and more people preferring to spend life on their own surrounded by friends and family rather than take on a partner. Although whether or not one stays single is definitely a personal choice, the attitude society takes on in western culture is gearing towards appreciation for the untamed, untaken and away from living as one half of a couple.